What to Include on Your Wedding RSVP (and What to Do When Guests Don't Reply)

The RSVP card looks simple — a yes/no reply with a deadline. In practice it's a data collection exercise that determines what you tell your caterer, how you build your seating chart, and whether you have a frantic week of chasing down non-responders before your final headcount is due.

Most couples either ask for too little (just attendance) and then scramble to collect meal choices separately, or they pile on too many questions and confuse guests who don't know how to answer "are you bringing children" when their children weren't invited.

Here's what actually belongs on the RSVP, what the realistic response rate looks like, and what to do when people don't reply at all.

What to Include on the RSVP Card

The essentials:

• Guest name(s). For paper RSVPs, add an M__ line (the blank is for Mr./Mrs./Ms./Mx.) or simply "Name(s)." For online RSVPs, a text field. This matters because handwriting is sometimes illegible, and you need to know which guest on your list responded.
• Attendance: accepts / regrets. The "regrets" terminology is traditional and signals graceful formality. "Will / will not attend" works equally well.
• Number attending. Specify the maximum: "__ of __ seats reserved in your honor." This prevents guests from adding uninvited plus-ones in the number field.
• RSVP deadline. For a local wedding, 3–4 weeks before the date is standard. For a destination wedding, 8–10 weeks is more appropriate.

Menu choice (if you have a plated dinner):

If your reception includes a plated meal — where each guest chooses between two or three options — collect this on the RSVP card. Waiting to ask at the wedding or doing a follow-up collection round is significantly more work.

List the menu options clearly. For couples having beef, chicken, and a vegetarian option, the card might read:

Please indicate your meal choice: Beef tenderloin / Herb chicken / Mushroom risotto (V)

Include a line for each guest in the party, not just one combined response. If two guests are coming, you need two meal choices.

Dietary restrictions:

A simple open line: "Dietary requirements / allergies:" with space to write. Don't try to list checkboxes for every possible restriction — that makes the card unwieldy. A free-text field catches what you'd miss. Communicate specific allergies to your caterer by table number before the wedding.

Questions you can skip:

Unless you have specific information needs, leave off: song requests (just give your DJ a brief separately), how the couple met, and advice questions. These are charming on wedding websites but they slow down the RSVP response process and can confuse older guests.

UK Note: Pre-Selected vs. Choice Menus

In the UK, it's common for venues to offer pre-ordered menus where guests select their entire meal — starter, main, and dessert — in advance. If your venue requires this, your RSVP needs more real estate. Consider doing this via a wedding website form rather than a physical card; it's easier to update, easier for guests to complete, and the data comes back in a format you can share directly with the caterer.

If you're having a wedding breakfast with an evening buffet, you only need meal choices for the day guests — collect this separately from any evening-only invitations.

What RSVP Rate Should You Expect?

There's no universally published figure for "typical" RSVP rates, but the practical reality that coordinators observe is this: a meaningful minority of guests — often somewhere between 15% and 30% — will not respond by your stated deadline, regardless of how clearly it's communicated.

This is not malice. It's a mix of procrastination, life getting busy, and the assumption that a non-response is somehow less rude than a formal decline. It isn't, but that doesn't change the behavior.

Plan your follow-up strategy before your deadline arrives. For local weddings with a 3–4 week deadline:

• Send a save-the-date to your A-list only (never to B-list guests)
• Your invitation includes the RSVP card and deadline
• About 10 days after the deadline, follow up with non-responders

How to Chase Non-Responders Without the Resentment

The follow-up message should be warm and matter-of-fact — not passive-aggressive. A practical script:

"Hi [Name], we're finalizing our numbers for the caterer and we haven't received your RSVP yet. Could you let us know by [new deadline] whether you're able to join us? We'd love to have you there."

Assign someone else — a sibling, a parent, a wedding party member — to make the calls or send the messages if you find it too emotionally loaded to do yourself. This is genuinely a task worth delegating.

For people who are clearly not going to respond, make a decision for them. Either assume they're not coming (the safer assumption for catering numbers) or have someone who knows them well make a quick call. Do not wait indefinitely for a reply that isn't coming.

When a Guest RSVPs "Yes" Then Cancels

This happens more than couples expect, especially in the final two weeks before the wedding. The etiquette for guests who cancel after RSVPing "yes" is:

• The guest should let you know as soon as possible
• They should not send a bill for the per-head cost (this is rude and damages relationships, even though catering costs are real)
• If they send a gift, acknowledge it with a thank-you note even though they didn't attend

From the couple's side:

• 72+ hours before: You can likely adjust the seating chart and may be able to contact the caterer. Some caterers allow adjustments at this stage; many do not once the kitchen has ordered.
• Under 24 hours: Don't reshuffle tables. Remove the place setting and the chair so there isn't a visible gap. Notify the caterer if they have flexibility, but accept that the meal cost is likely sunk.
• Your response to the guest: "We completely understand — we're just glad everything is okay. We missed you and would love to celebrate another time." If they reach out feeling guilty, this script gives them an off-ramp without making the situation worse.

When Someone Declines but Changes Their Mind

If a guest sends regrets and then asks to attend after all, check your numbers honestly before agreeing. If you have space and the caterer can accommodate an addition (typically possible if you're still 2+ weeks out), accept graciously. If you're at capacity, it's reasonable to say: "We're so sorry, we've already finalized our numbers with the venue — we'd love to celebrate with you separately soon."

Tracking It All

The RSVP card is only useful if the responses end up in a master tracking system. Your spreadsheet should have columns for: RSVP status (yes/no/awaiting), response date, number attending, meal choices for each guest in the party, and dietary restrictions. Update it in real time as cards or online responses arrive.

Two weeks before the wedding, confirm your final numbers with the venue and caterer. One week out, send the final seating chart to the venue coordinator. Three days out, confirm vendor meal counts (photographers, videographers, and DJs typically need feeding too).

The Wedding Guest Management Kit includes an RSVP tracking dashboard with all of these columns pre-built, the follow-up message scripts, and a final headcount confirmation checklist that takes you through the vendor communication sequence in the right order. Having the system before responses start arriving means nothing falls through the gap.